These have been around for awhile (maybe since the beginning of time) but they are still applicable and worth thinking about. Jesus preached the beatitudes at the Sermon on the Mount. Had Satan been there that day...
his version, made up of lies, may have sounded more like this:
Blessed are those who enjoy noticing the mannerisms of the preacher, singers, and others in the service, and see that not all is right, for they are my best workers.
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked, and expect to be thanked, for I can use them.
Blessed are the easily offended and quick to criticize, who with a bit of luck may go "church-shopping" or maybe even stop going to church altogether, because they are my missionaries.
Blessed are those who claim to love God at the same time as hating other people, for they are mine forever.
Blessed are the trouble makers, fault finders, complainers, gossips, and those who think they know better than the book, for they shall be called my children.
Blessed are those who have no time to pray or spend time in the book for they are easy prey.
Blessed are those who are too tired, busy or disorganized to meet with the body on Sundays AND other meetings of the body, for their heart's are not in it.
Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not about yourself, for I've got you.